About Failure

Failure

When you really want something and trying so hard to get what you want, you pray to God, beg him to fulfill your dream, you tell everyone to wish you luck. You even did something you never done before just to get what you want.What would you do when the reality hits you? when you failed.

For those of you who likes to read all “chicken-soup” series or self-motivated books, you might think that you know all theory about how to face failure, how to keep the faith and  how to be sure that behind a failure there is always a sweet success. That’s the theory, in practice,  you will realize that it is not as easy as the books told you.

Anyhow you take failure, it is normal to feel sad, disappointed, and embarrass. What is not normal is when you  are trying to hide your emotion, trying to be positive and doing all what the “chicken soup” has said.

I used to be like this. Reading lots of books and childhood experience made me rarely show my emotion to people. At first I thought taking  failure was easy. According to those books I read, I have to be positive and keep the faith as in times I will get something much much better than the one I failed to get. Yes, it was easy. Being good at hiding my emotions, I often get through failure without any serious damage. As I grow older, I realized that hiding emotions isn’t good for my mental health.

Why? because by doing that, I never truly accept failure, I never forgive myself for failing. Thus, all the disappointment, anger, and embarrassment stays inside. Eating me alive, destroying from inside.

I think the best way anyone can do is trying for honesty. Let yourself feel all the emotions, admit that you are sad, disappointed, maybe depressed. If you need some space, give yourself some space, if you need someone to talk to, get someone to talk to you. Do what you need to do to make yourself better.  Never mind the people who seems to underestimate your problem. They don’t know how you feel.

When you are ready, let it go. Don’t try to bring it up again by analyzing why you failed, blaming yourself,  blaming others, blaming the situation or blaming God. Just forgive yourself and let it go.

Last week I got the news, that I didn’t get what I really wanted. At first I could’t believe what I read, I kept read it and read it all over again. I was disappointed. I remembered all the efforts that I have been doing, all the things that I have done. I just couldn’t believe that I failed. I was at the office when I got the news. The next thing I did was continuing what I had been doing. I was pretty busy that night and I barely thinking about my failure.

Then after I got home I realized that I  failed. I called my friend and told her about the bad news. She felt sorry for me because she knew how much I wanted it. She listened to all my cynical opinion about no matter how hard I tried, I will fail. When she tried to explain the cliche theory that behind failure there will be a success, that God will give me much better than I wanted, I told her not to tell me that and leave God out of this.  I just wanted to share my disappointment. I didn’t want her to inject me with another hope, another dreams that I will get what I want.I talked for about half an hour, she just listened. After I felt much better, I ended the conversation.

The next morning I was ready to accept the reality. I told everyone who knew that I failed. One thing I hate if you told people bad news is the pity in their eyes as if you were a fragile glass that would easily break. But other than that, I felt free, I could accept that I failed, I have forgiven myself.

Well, I kind of proud of myself 🙂

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4 responses to “About Failure

  1. well, the truth is: reality sucks. but it doesn’t suck all the time.. so give yourself a space and let it go when you can – exactly as you wrote above..

  2. hmm daripada komentar yg serius2,,,intan nyanyi lagunya Bondan aja ya 🙂

    apapun yang terjadi, coz everything is gonna be OK ^_^

  3. Thanks guys, appreciate it.

    Iya Mi, true, reality doesn’t suck all the time. Kalo iya, artinya gw melebih-lebihkan (nah, terbuktikan gw gak lebay).

    Namanya bohong kalo aku bilang everything isOK. Ada beberapa hal yang gak oke Tan. Tapi, jangan kuatir, aku baik-baik saja 🙂

  4. yup…intan yakin seorang wildan pasti baik2 saja hehehe.. met puasa ya dan.

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